Dear Lottoless & Friendless

Dear Girlfriend,

   One of my closest friends won the Texas Lottery. We always talked about what we would do if we won.  I would tell her that I would pay for this or that and she would say some of the same things.  It was always cool to talk to her because she was funny, fun and positive and was never judgmental. Girlfriend we were very close. We raised our children together.  I wiped her children’s butts, picked them up from day-care and football practice, shopped for prom dresses and even gave her son my old car when he was in high school. Let me tell you, now that she has won a few million dollars, I haven’t heard from her.  It’s been three months since she won and not even a peep. 

   Girlfriend, my feelings are hurt because while we were always talked about winning,  I didn’t really think it would happen.   I am just out done and I find myself practicing  what I am going to say to her if and when  I see her again.  Am I being petty or unrealistic.  I need to know, what should I say and how should I handle it?

Signed, Lottoless and Friendless

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Dear Lottoless & Friendless,

The phone works both ways.  Why haven’t you called her and congratulated her?  If you wanted to talk and had time to talk... you should have called.  She probably thinks you are jealous because you haven’t called.  She may be saying, “I haven’t had a peep from her” (you). Everyone has their own issues going on, so when you think of the people you love, you should pick up the phone. That’s what you used to do.... right?  Bottom line, You should’ve called her by now. Her life has changed dramatically, yours have not.  Stop waiting on people to call you. 

 If she is too busy, she will tell you and call you back. That’s how you were before the big win so why are YOU acting brand new now.   You can bet your bottom dollar she is getting plenty of calls. I am pretty sure she is very busy talking to everyone else who is calling, congratulating and telling her what they need.  But since you know she has money now you didn’t call.

 I often heard “money changes people,” but people with money say that the people they know changes toward them. Did you change?  Her life has changed tremendously but yours has not, so why haven’t you done what you always did...  call her. 

First and foremost no-one owes you anything, you should do things out of the goodness of your heart without expectations.    

Now common sense should tell you she is quite busy trying to get her self together and secured. When you have money like that  people come at you from every direction and you must secure your home, family and finances. Let’s just get this straight, they are still your friends, they just aren’t speaking to anyone right now.  Don’t take it personal.  They have millions of dollars and they have a lot of decisions to make.  Try to imagine what your thought process would be had you won millions of dollars.  It will take every bit of  six months just to ensure you have control of the flow of your money and how not to run through it, but, to be able to have generational wealth.    

  Friendless, just like you are feeling slighted, think about the others that feel the same way as you do.  Don’t you know everybody has got their hand stuck out right now.  Surely she has to take care of her immediate family first. I believe you just should be patient as they sort through what their new lives will be like with ALL THAT MONEY! 

  I am not going to say you are being petty but you are being presumptuous.   Your feelings should not be hurt because she hasn’t reached out to you.  You already know your position because you two have already talked about it.  You two have discussed what you would do if you won the lottery. Unless you have said some things that would negate your position as a friend because there is always someone willing to take negative statements back to hurt relationships. I am sure that when you talked about the lottery one of those things said is ain’t nobody hearing from me for a minute.  She and her husband are probably looking at all the friends that they want to help and trying to determine how they are going to do it without offending others.  So be patient and be a true friend and give her an opportunity to be who she has always been to you and who you have always been to her.     

You asked how to handle this.  It’s simple!  Do what real friends do. Call your friend and be friendly. Congratulate her, listen to her new found concerns and if you need something, let her know.  What not to do is throw back in her face all you have done for her and her children and she will not remind you of all she has already done for you. Give her time and keep her in prayer.  True friends are friends for life.

Tampa Bay Tammy

Tampa Bay Tammy is COO of N-TOUCH News. She gives advice through her column Dear Girlfriend to entertain and enlighten her readers from near and far. 

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