Not The Other Woman

Dear Girlfriend,
I am over 40 and a divorcee. I have been back in the dating game for about 5 years and I hate it. After dealing with my cheating husband, I vowed I would not ever fool with a married man or a man in a serious relationship. In other words, I refuse to be the side chick or play number 2. After dating a few different guys, I finally met one I thought was the perfect man for me. I liked the way he walked, the way he talked, the way he dressed, the way he handled his business and the way he treated me. I let my guards down because I asked him all the right questions and he had all the right answers. He told me he was not married, he did not live with anyone, but he recently had broken up with his girlfriend of many years. We talked everyday and would grab a bite to eat and go back to each other houses. We would do movies on the outskirts of town so we would not run into familiar faces. We would not frequent anywhere a lot of Black people would be so as not to run into anyone that knew him or her. I went along with this because He said he didn’t want to hurt her, it was too soon. I understood that because my ex did a lot of things I thought were inconsiderate and way too soon. A month or more after talking on the phone and eating out together, he tells me that his ex girlfriend and he were going to counseling to see if they could work things out and that his children and her children were attached like family. All I could think was, I am so glad I had insisted on moving slow and I had not introduced him to my children and friends. Nevertheless, I was truly hurt. I immediately backed up and I picked up where I had left off in the dating game. I decided if he had someone I would have someone too and we would just be friends. After I started dating another guy frequently, he started coming at me harder saying that counseling didn’t work and that he wanted me. Then, I saw a post of him on facebook and now I know they are much closer than he had led me to believe. So I backed up from going to his house and stop letting him come to mine. I did not want to run into any broken hearted, betrayed girlfriend, who may come with the other woman drama. Since then, he has come back expressing his feelings more. My sister said he is not married so he is fair game. I do feel good when I am with him, like we are equally yolked. Girlfriend you have always been painfully honest and this is what I need. I want to believe it’s really over between them but how can I tell without stalking him. I know I want him but not as the other woman. Another gentleman I had been dating does everything a woman would want a man to do but I just can’t seem to get this one out of my mind. Do you think I can salvage this relationship.
Signed Not The Other Woman

Dear Not The Other Woman,
Dating a women for years and never committing is a bad sign. Your man sounds like a smooth operator, real good at making you feel loved but then putting you back in check by telling you about another. No man goes to counseling with JUST a girlfriend. Especially if they don’t have children together. Counseling is what a man does to keep a woman. I hate to tell you this but YOU cannot salvage this relationship. He has to do that! Keep your options open and most definitely keep the man that does everything for you and proudly takes you out because a good man is hard to find. When a man loves you, you will know without a doubt by the way he treats you. He will hold your hand in public and he will introduce you to his family and friends. If he has a facebook post of them, that means she is number one and the rest of you can get in line. as side chicks. Until he stops acting incognito, know that you are not the only one..let alone number one. Until he changes his dating style, I wouldn’t believe a damn thing he says. If he attempts to make public appearances with you...Go. That’s how serious relationships begin. If he doesn’t, know that He aint YOUR man. However, the ball is in his court. Actions speak louder than words. If he comes correct... enjoy, but if not, keep on dating!. God has someone for you, that will love you faithfully.

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